IDOL scores for May 9

Here we go back to my youth with BeeGee night…I got my platform shoes on with me plaid elephant bell bottoms, let’s go to the disco!

ROUND ONE

MELINDA steps up first with “Love You Inside and Out”. Barry Gibb doesn’t think it’s a good choice, and neither does the panel. They think it’s lackluster and dull, but only Simon comes up with the right words to say it. Randy hides behind cryptic rhymes and Paula babbles on about “unicorns and rainbows” or something.

SCORE: 3

BLAKE THROWS “You Should Be Dancin’” at us, after he kisses Barry’s ass. And is it me or does Barry Gibb now sound like Sean Connery. What in God’s name is he wearing? This guy looks like a reject from a bad Beatles cover band. Okay, the beatboxing thing just annoys the crap out of me now.

Randy finally agrees with me, he calls it “like a bad discotheque in a foreign country”, I think the Emperor’s new clothes are off.

SCORE: 4 (thanks to randy’s muttering two ‘check it outs’)

KIKI is going with the classic, “Staying Alive”, (by the way, the best version ever of this song is Donny Osmond singing with Dweezil Zappa on guitar from Dweezil’s ’91 album, Confessions. KIKI looks relaxed and is rolling out a soulful reading of this song. It sounds unique, but what will the cranky judges think?

Ewww, Randy says “it was weird for him”, costing her two points. Simon calls it scary. Are they watching the same show I am?

SCORE: 1

JORDIN, the clear frontrunner in the judge’s eyes, is next. Tell me the comp isn’t hers barring a major screw up…
Hard to believe she’s only a year older than my oldest girl. Those wacky kids grow up so fast!
Jordin goes with some pre-disco BeeGees, “To Love Somebody” and she nails it. Her new flat hair look and the print dress make her look much older.

Randy’s not happy with it, but says it’s the best so far. Paula concurs, and Simon triples the “best” theme. Major points for the J-Sparks.

SCORE: 12

ROUND TWO

MELLY D is back with “How Can You Mend A Broken Heart”, Barry is concerned because she took the line out about being a loser. She thinks it’s bad karma to say “Loser” on IDOL. While Mel looks good in a shimmery grey dress, it’s all a bit loungy for me.

Randy says it’s better. Paula says she wants to be surprised, and wasn’t. Simon mocks Paula and then says the second half saved her and put her through to the semi-finals.

SCORE: 7

BLAKE continues his Barry Gibb ass-kissing by doing an obscure BeeGees song “Danger Zone” (no, not that one). Rockin’ the sweater vest, Blake is back into what he does best, grooving that Jason Mraz/Jamiroquai lite soul. It’s good.

Randy pops three check it outs, but is annoyed by the beatboxing. Paula sees only young man meat and compliments him. She will invite him back to her place later. Simon rips him, calling the song choice “weird and bizarre”.

SCORE: 2

KIKI is back trying, ironically, to stay alive after getting hosed by the panel in the first round. She goes with “Run To Me”, which is one of my favorite BeeGee tunes. You go, girl! She once again, does what KIKI does best, and belts it out with a soulful, gospel feel. Simon will call it yelling, probably.

Randy says it was better, Paula says she’s still a champ. Simon says KIKI and Blake’s asses are on the line.

SCORE: 3

JORDIN would have to become completely unhinged to not get through to next week. She goes with the Gibb song he wrote for Barbra Streisand, “Woman In Love”. Given that Jordin is better looking and less histrionic than Babs, this is a no brainer. She takes no chances and just sings it at the mic with no movement.

Randy gives her two check it outs, and then inexplicably kisses Barry Gibb’s butt. Paula stumbles through a “I don’t like it”. Simon calls it “pageanty”.

SCORE: 1

I agree with Simon, Blake and Kiki are on the chopping block. I have my fingers crossed for a Blake toss off.