LOST recap 1/28

Penny and Desmond have a baby?! On this show, that means he'll age at a rate of five years per minute like Walt. He'll have a beard by the time the show's over.

Charlotte asks Farraday when he inquires about her health, "What's the matter, you look worried?" Ahem. He always looks worried. Ever since he's first appeared on the show, he's been overly concerned. And no wonder, all that time tripping leaves others on the island pissed off, including the Swiss Miss who has popped out of the woods in fatigues and levelled a M16 at our heroes. She's smoking hot in her little wife beater t-shirt. I'm a sucker for guerillista fashion.

Back in the present day. Desmond is fretting over finding Farraday's mom. The island is apparently a point of contention between Penny and him. No wonder, with his constant time tripping to a place where there's hot chicks galore.

Sexy Swiss Miss interrogates Farraday as to where his compadres are. Miles says maybe they were blown up by the land mines they keep stumbling on. She says you put those there. Nobody on this island knows who's doing what do they?

Locke and Sawyer have captured several "soldiers" who communicate by talking in Latin to each other. Juliette figures it out, and talks to them in Latin in return. Apparently, it was the language of the "others". They didn't have much in terms of culture, but it appears they did have a Catholic School.

Swiss Miss brings Farraday to creepy Richard Alpert who asks them if they've come for their bomb.

Desmond is striking out in his attempt to locate Farraday and his mother in real time. So he breaks into the place he saw Farraday last. Everything is dusty and packed up as if it's been abandoned. A university worker comes in and tells him Farraday is gone, and the university denies his existence because of something he did to a girl. Oops! I hate when that happens.

Back in 1954, Farraday and Alpert discuss a hydrogen bomb that has become leaky, as evidenced by the radiation burns on the soldier. Farraday also declares his love for Charlotte. What a player my man Farraday is. He's got a girl in every decade!

Down by the river, Juliette engages the soldiers in a Latin conversation that I can only follow when they use words associated with the old Catholic liturgy, which means I'm glad they had subtitles. It's something about camp and Richard and yada yada yada. One of the soldiers takes off and Sawyer tells Locke to shoot him. Locke doesn't, says he can't shoot one of "his people". "His People"? He doesn't even know them yet. That doesn't come until 2004.

Desmond locates the woman involved in Farraday's experiment. She's in a hospital bed at her sister's house. Nothing says she's messed up in a TV series quicker than a hospiptal bed and a nurse! Her sister says Farraday abandoned her and left for the states, and that Farraday's benefactor Mr. Widmore has been paying her bills (cue spooky music)

Farraday reveals the whole h-bomb thing revolves around US bomb testing on the island. Richard says he killed several soldiers who were setting up testing on the island.

Locke asks Juliette how old Richard is, the response is "old." Locke has entered "crazy town" according to Sawyer. I believe Locke eventually becomes mayor of Crazy Town.

Farraday tells Swiss Miss she looks familiar (the girl in the hospital bed, perhaps?) She shows him to a bomb hanging in a scaffold. He must disarm it.

FYI -- the dead founding fathers in the Turbo Tax ads creep me out. They're supposed to look like they do on various denominations, but instead they look like pale green zombies. And why are they dispensing tax advice. I imagine the tax code has changed slightly from 1776.

Farraday tells Swiss Miss to bury the H-bomb, because he knows it's not going to go off. Why? Because he's been on the island fifty years from now, and it hasn't gone off. That must really sound bat shit crazy to her. "I'm from the future and I'm here to help," is apparently not anymore reassuring in 1954 than it would be if somebody told you that now.

Desmond storms into Widmore's office. He demands to know where Farraday's mom is. Widmore wants to know if Penny's okay. He tells Desmond this whole mess is bigger than he knows and it doesn't involve either of them. Get your bidness done and move along. Desmond disses him.

Locke marches into the others camp and introduces himself to Richard. Richard is all "ya, ya, whatever" until Locke drops the name Jacob, and that gets his attention. But the big news here is Richard calling a soldier who wants to off Locke "Widmore." (music zing) What's you first name, Charles? says our bald friend. "Whatz it to ya," snaps young Widmore. Cue Locke for the wry smile.

So Widmore was part of the original others who established a community on the island in the 50's at about the same time the US was conducting nuclear tests there? Here's a question, why were the others there and when did the Dharma intiative get there and get all up in the other's grill?

Desmond looks in on Penny and their son. He tries to lie to her about Farraday's mom but she catches on. He tells her he's going to blow off going to LA to find her, but she warns him it'll keep happening unless he takes care of it now. THEY'RE GOING TO DISNEYLAND!!!

Locke tries to tell Richard what the hell is going down, including the fact that Richard once told him he would be their leader, but before he can find out how to get off the island, another time warp comes and takes them to another time on the island. What year is it now? Who the hell knows, but all this time travel is killing Charlotte, as she passes out with a bloody nose. Why is she affected by this and no one else is?

THESE ANSWERS AND EVEN MORE QUESTIONS ON THE NEXT LOST!!!!